wandamacki's Cancer Blog

March 28, 2008

The hardest battle of cancer

Views: 121

I have been battling stage 3 lung cancer for over 1 year now and have recently been diagnosed with thyroid cancer. The cancer is now spreading and I know my time is limited. My daughter is applying to medical school in July of this year. She is in California and she wants to apply in Michigan to be with me. I have not told her about my recent diagnosis as I know this would truly devastate her. She is studying for her mcat test and I don’t want anything to upset her so she can focus on school.

I had to do the most hardest thing in my life today. I had to tell my daughter not to apply to medical school in Michigan, to apply in California where her dad is. She feels that I don’t want her with me. Oh, my daughter this is not the reason. She is the love of my life. I know what is going to happen to me and I don’t want her to see this. I want her dreams to happen and her future career now depends on her grades. I don’t want her to put her classes on hold because of me. I know this would truly devastate her and she would not be able to focus on school. Is their a way to tell your child that your dying.

I have instructed my family to only let her know when the final days are here. Is this fair to her. Cancer would not destroy me, my daughter putting her dreams on hold would. This is the most important year for her. This decides what medical school she gets in and I don’t want anything to disturb that. This is my wish. She will understand. I don’t want her to see me when it hits hard.

Am I being fair to her. If you only know how much this hurts. I know my daughter would not be able to handle this and I don’t want her to fall behind. This would truly destroy me, not the cancer. This is what I am trying to say. Dana, you will read this soon and then you will understand. You are truly the love of my love. Mama.

Posted on March 28, 2008 at 8:14:32 PM by wandamacki ( The hardest battle of cancer, 1 comment)

I just read your heartrendering story. You really feel this is the best thing for your daughter? Not sure about that. I lost my Mom at 19, and I was there for her all the way. I treasure the moments we spent together, even though she got sicker. We managed to talk about a lot of things that just weren’t covered in our every day life before she got sicker. She left me a legacy and also, I feel that I was special because I was able to help. YOu know she can put her life on hold for this year because school will always be there. You just might be leaving her with guilt and anger that she didn’t get the chance to show you her love for you during your courageous battle with Cancer. Life’s lessons are much more important than any scolarly education at this time in your family. She will definately find out that you were hiding this from her and will always wonder why you didn’t let her into your heart. No protection is worth that. Belive me I speak from the heart that my Mom didn’t choose to have cancer but she did choose to have me around her. I love her for that and she taught me so much about the human spirit which you don’t get in class. I hope that answers your question from a cancer survivor to another. My prayers are with you and your family. I hope you make the right choice.

Posted on April 28, 2008 at 2:09:07 PM by weezie